Letter To A Daughter

My dear Anupa,

Yesterday was your first day in your engineering college hostel - the first time ever you are staying away from your parents.  I know how you must have felt - you must have gone through the same emotions that you experienced when we heartlessly deposited you at the nursery 15 years ago and you cried your heart out. It seems only like yesterday ......

When you start this new phase of your life you will doubtlessly experience the same feelings that thousands of daughters and sons are going through right now.  The coming few days staying in an unfamiliar place are bound to be both exciting and confusing.  You will feel lonely, ignored, isolated.  You will wonder where are the "your" kind of friends who seemed to be in abundance in your school, but who seem to be totally missing in your new institution.  You will feel trapped, and you will wonder what are you doing in such a place. There will be periods when you will be tempted to say that you have had enough of this institution - however, hallowed it might be - and would want to desperately escape into the comforting arms of your parents.

Tomorrow when you walk out of your hostel room into the canteen scan the surroundings eagerly.  That apparently snooty girl who is looking down over her long nose at you might very well turn out to be a girl with a golden heart. And that girl who pointedly ignored you when you wanted companionship - for all you know, she may be going through the same emotions you are going through, and wondering whether she will ever have a friend in this unfamiliar place, little realising that her future best friend is standing very next to her.

Two months down the road, you will wonder why you ever felt lonely and confused.  By that time you would have made several life-long  friends with whom you will noisily share the canteen Upma which right now seems so distasteful and lumpy.  Be yourself, Anupa, and only do what you are comfortable doing - and 4 years down the road you will wonder how quickly some of your best moments of your life have passed.

Your loving Aanu.

Balcony Birds

I moved recently into an apartment in Bur Dubai.  The apartment has a tiny balcony - and like most Asians I plan to use this balcony to dry my laundry.

The balcony is home to a couple of pigeons.  They seem to be a couple, and sit huddled together most of the time in a corner of the balcony.

I love observing them - they give me a sense of peace and harmony. They seem to be my only connection with nature.

The pigeons fly out just a couple of times a day - probably to grab a quick bite.  And then they rush back to my balcony - almost as if they are afraid of losing their place on the balcony to some rival. This initially puzzled me as they seem to be the only pair in the apartment complex.

And then I realized that my balcony is the only one still "open" in the whole apartment complex - all other balconies have been closed off with nets - obviously to prevent birds from nesting.

The building caretaker informed me that there used to be dozens of these birds in the apartment complex - but over a period of time they have all left the building after the tenants started fencing off the balconies.  The pair on my balcony seem to be the last of them.

I am now facing the same challenge that prompted other apartment owners to close their balconies - these pigeons mess up the balcony, and soil up the laundry.  In fact I am currently forced to dry my laundry in my bedroom - a luxury I can ill-afford given the tiny apartment size.

So it is just a matter of time before I too close off this pigeon pair's last refuge.  I will do this reluctantly and with much regret, consoling myself that the last of the pigeon pair will eventually find a more hospitable host in an apartment complex elsewhere in this city.

Possibilities

In the restaurant at the hotel where I am staying, I was led by the Maitre d' to a nice 2 seater table near the window.  I placed my laptop bag on the chair, and went to fill my plate.

On my return to the table I find a dainty woman's purse on the table.  Obviously, some lady had come in my absence, and decided to occupy the table - and has now gone to fill up her own plate after leaving her purse on the table.

She had obviously seen my dashing George Clooney hair style and wanted my company at the table.  Of course there was also the possibility (remote though I would like to believe) that she simply had failed to notice the laptop bag occupying the chair.

What do I do now?  Do I ....
1.Quickly move her purse to an adjoining table, sit at my table and pretend nothing has happened?
2.Let her purse remain on the table, and when she comes to the table tell her that this table was already occupied, and therefore she should shift to another table?
3.Same as point 2, but tell her that she is free to join me at my table if she is so keen to sit there?

I ruled out action step 1 - it was sneaky and indirect.  Action step 2 against a woman would be rude and against the Rao honor code.  And Action step 3 was fraught with too many possibilities .............

In the end I decided on action step 4 - I took my laptop bag and myself to another table at the far end of the room.  And then tried hard not to see who came to occupy my erstwhile table .....

Getting Muddled Up

Have been staying in a hotel since last week. Today morning I got into the elevator to go to the restaurant for breakfast.  The lift was quite crowded with a holidaying family.  The teen daughters were blocking the push buttons inside the lift - so I told them to press 18.

They just looked at me and did nothing.

Oh, they are Russian tourists who don't understand me - so I said slowly "Press 18 - One Eight".

The 2 teenage girls just stared at me, and did nothing.

I was panicking now - I did not want to miss my floor.

When people do not understand, speak louder.

"PLEASE PRESS 18 - I am going to the breakfast lounge" I said doing the gesture of putting food into my mouth.

The mother now intervened, and in perfect British English she said "18 is the floor you got on.  You need to go to the 8th floor for the breakfast - and as you can see that button is already pushed".

I rode the rest of the elevator journey minutely examining my shoes, and wondering what would be the expression on their faces.

I scurried out of the elevator as soon as it reached the 8th floor - and cunningly pretended not to hear the explosion of laughter that echoed out of the elevator.

Solace when it is needed

Ram Gopal Verma mentioned in an interview that Jiah Khan had come to meet him a few days before her death.  He admitted that he could have spent some more time with Jiah explaining why he had no roles for her and giving her the emotional support she so obviously needed when she came to meet him.  Perpetually short on time he sent her away thinking he would have the chat with her some other day.

Emotional support needs to be delivered when the person needs it most.  Sometimes it is so obvious when a person comes to you that all he/she wants is someone to just listen - a few kind words of empathy - or just "human" company and a cup of coffee.

Solace, companionship or "am there for you" has to be then and there - postponing it is as good as not ever giving it.

Leadership is Spice

The Konkani dish called "Dali Thoy" comes alive when there is a trace of hing (asafoetida), and methi seeds (fenugreek).  If these two spices are not added. the dish becomes bland and tasteless.  Too much of these spices and the dish becomes unpalatable. The whole magic of this dish is in getting the dish to just have a hint of these 2 spices.

Good Leadership is like the addition of spice to a dish.  Good leaders never demean themselves (or their junior associates) by usurping for themselves the role of the main ingredient.  They act as the spice - adding the je ne sais quoi effect with their subtle presence.  Such leaders don't display an urge to make their presence felt unless absolutely necessary - but in their absence they are missed.

Into The Wild

Saw this movie directed by Sean Penn based on a real-life incident about a youth who believes society is hypo-critical, and thinks that real truth is best experienced communing alone with nature in its pristine form.  He therefore abandons all connections with society and his family, and treks into the Alaskan wild where he spends 4 months alone.  He spends his time reading, and writing down his thoughts in a diary, while subsisting on a meager diet of berries and rodents - and all the while pretending to be happy.

Then while recovering from the effects of eating poisonous berries, he has the blinding revelation that "Happiness is real only when shared".  Unfortunately, this realization comes a bit too late for him, and by then he is too weak to trek his way back to civilization and to the people who love him.  He therefore dies alone, pining for human companionship and love.

Beautiful movie - it certainly makes one think about the critical, but often ignored, role played by human contact in our lives.