A Circus

I wrote this letter 15 years ago (before the blogging era) describing our visit to the circus with our then 2 year old daughter Ashwini (Anupa).  We recently discovered a copy of this letter while cleaning a cupboard.
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11th May 1998
Dear Preethi,

Yesterday, all of a sudden, I had the brilliant idea that it is time I educated my off-spring about animals.  And what better way than to take her to the friendly neighbouring Gemini circus?

Arrive at the circus with just 5 minutes to go for the start.  Start rushing for the ticket booths ....

But, Anupa has her priorities right : "Ice Cream" she commands.

The one-eyed robber at the ice cream stall sizes up Anupa's mood and decides that he can ask for a premium and get it easily : "Fifteen rupeees" he demands for a tiny ice cream cup which costs only Rs 11.

Then the rush to our seats past the smelly elephant, horse and hippopotamus stalls.

Very stuffy and hot inside the circus tent.  Anupa decides to pour some ice cream on my lap to cool me down.

"Anupa, look at the elephant riding the cycle".  Anupa looks at the elephant with a bored expression which seemed to say : "So what is so great about an elephant riding a tricycle - I can ride a tricycle better".  No quarrel with that.

5 minutes later Anupa decides she has seen enough elephants riding tricycles to last her a life-time.  "Let us go home" she says.

We buy her silence by bribing her with some biscuits.

The joker of the circus makes his appearance and carries out his buffoonery.  Anupa laughs.  We become happy that Anupa is at last enjoying the circus.  But alas we are mistaken.  She is only laughing at the small baby in the next seat who has started liberally drooling over the chair.  The circus is for the birds.

The joker is carrying out his buffoonery.  "Anupa, look at the joker".  Her response : "Pichs. I want pichs".

"Chips, chips anyone, hot chips" shouts a voice in my ear as a chips seller clambers over my feet and displays his wares to Anupa knowing he has got a captive audience.  These vendors are everywhere treading on someone's toes here and blocking somebody's view there.  Why, some of the enterprising vendors have even clambered on to the stage and are trying to sell some chips to the joker.

"Anupa, look at that horse standing on two legs".

Anupa gazes uninterestedly at the horse, and suppresses a yawn which seems to say "So what, I am also standing on two legs".  Then she looks at the chips seller and says : " Pichs, I want pichs".

"Anupa, look at those people jumping up and down on the trampoline".

"Pichs, Pichs" she says and starts jumping up and down on my lap.

Finally curtain call and we head back home.

The neighbouring uncle greets us on our return.  He asks Anupa : "So sweet heart, where did you go today?"

"Cirrrcussss" she says, gladdening her parents' hearts with her quick response.

And what did you see there?" the uncle asks.

She knew this question was a toughy, so she gives careful thought to the question before answering.

"Pichs" she says.

And they say kids love the circus?  Now I know why.

On The Racing Tracks in Cairo

As usual I am in the navigator's seat.  Sitting next to me was K, one of the fastest Formula-1 drivers in Egypt.

Our car got off to a screaming start from the pit, with the wheels spinning in a furious cloud of dust.  But the other cars were faster, bigger and more powerful - and raced ahead of us splattering dust and mud on us.  It was clear that the situation was desperate, and we will probably end up last if desperate measures are not immediately resorted to.

K's face was grim - he flashed me the inverted V sign - it means this is an emergency.  In Racing parlance this sign indicates that the driver assumes total command until the situation is retrieved. The navigator then assumes a passive role until our car once again gets back into a favorable position in the race.

He switched into 3rd and the deep throb of the turbo engines filled the entire cabin with a deafening din.  An oil tanker suddenly loomed ahead of us - don't know what these oil tankers are doing on a racing track.  K deftly twisted the steering handle and missed the huge truck by a few inches.  The truck driver blared his horns belligerently and tried to block our progress - but K is a pro - he jumped over the road divider, and shot ahead of the truck.

We were now screaming ahead and fast closing the gap.  The other cars may have more powerful engines, but they cannot match K's driving skills - a classic man vs machine contest.  We raced ahead - with K swerving the car rapidly between the other cars with astonishing skills.

Now there was only 1 car ahead of us - a black Ferrari.  But the Ferrari was far too ahead of us - so K switched on all cylinders.  We were racing so fast that the track was now a mere blur - and the gap between us and the Black Ferrari rapidly reduced, until the Ferrari was only a few inches ahead of us.

And then it happened.  The Ferrari suddenly braked.

K hit the brakes, and our car did a cart-wheel as K desperately tried to regain control.  The high pitched squeal of tortured brakes accompanied by the acrid smell of burning rubber filled the air, and the car came to a miraculous stop just millimeters from the Black Ferrari.

But the other cars behind had inexperienced drivers - their reaction time was simply too slow,  and they rammed into us, one after the other.  It was a classic 7 car pile-up on the race-track.

I got out the car to survey the damage.  No personal injury for me apart from a minor neck sprain due to the whip-lash action from the collision.  But the car was badly damaged.

I let K sort out the arguments with the drivers of the other damaged cars.  I hailed a taxi and left the scene.  One more routine day on the way to office.

My "Big Moment" Finally Happened

Big Moments are rare in my life - so forgive me if I give you a lengthy description of a momentous event that took place recently...

The setting : Cairo Airport.  I was on my way to Dubai, my harmonium in tow.

The security person in the Cairo airport responsible for frisking passengers requested for a small "gift" from my wallet which I - as usual - politely refused.  Normally the refusal is taken in good humor, but this time it was different ....

"Open that box" he commanded, pointing to my harmonium case.  Since my harmonium needs to be checked in - and given its delicate nature - I had spent a couple of hours packing it in bubble-sheets, foam, cloth etc.

"It is a music instrument - you just saw it on the X-ray scan, right?" I said.  That harmonium has gone through the same airport countless number of times without being stopped.

"Please open it" he said firmly.  I cut open one side of the packing that I had spent hours packing, and showed him the harmonium from the side so that he can see the keyboard.

"See - it is a music instrument - like a small piano" I said in an appealing voice, not wanting to remove all the packing.

"Open it fully" he said firmly, and seeing that I was struggling with the packing, he helpfully gave me a pen-knife so that I can tear the packing open.

There it lay open now devoid of all packing - my harmonium in its full glory surrounded by 3 policemen.

"Is this actually a music instrument?" said one knocking the keyboard vigorously.

"Wait" I said.  "it is a delicate instrument - it will break if you do that....."

The proof of the music instrument is in its playing...

Seizing the moment I sat down, opened the harmonium bellows and started playing.  My fingers moved smoothly, and I really belted it out on the harmonium : the presence of the policemen around me certainly gave me a protective feeling - in normal circumstances I have to play under a threatening atmosphere full of tomatoes.

So I played - sitting right there in the middle of the check-in lounge of the airport, with curious passengers walking past me.  Cairo airport reverberated for the first time ever to the sound of a harmonium.

And not a single rotten tomato this time - must have been quite a performance. In fact, the performance of my lifetime.   I was all set for a standing ovation.

Standing the policemen were - but no applause. Their attention was focused on a portly Police Officer who was hurrying towards us looking highly irritated - their boss, no doubt. Obviously listening to Indian music is not high on his priority, unlike for his subordinates.

"Indian music" said the policeman in an apologetic voice to his glowering boss by way of explanation. And then turning to me he said "You go".  

"Did you like it?" I asked him, still eagerly hoping that there will be a round of applause for my performance.  After all, it is not every day that one gets a chance to perform in a public place, and that too to a very appreciative international audience.

Alas, there was no response. Instead as a symbolic gesture, he summoned a porter, gave him 1 Egyptian pound, and asked him to help me pack up the harmonium.

New York in 4 days

For me exploring a city is all about understanding how the local people relate to, and live in, that city. If you have a similar interest, then a surprising lot can be achieved in 4-5 days - provided of course you start the day early and end the day late, and go back to the hotel room only at night merely to sleep.  Essentially what I did in 4 full days (and 5 nights) - and which I would recommend any tourist visiting New York - is the following:

1. took some time off to understand the subway system (the metro) - how it works - how to connect etc.  The New York Metro is a great boon to a tourist - safe and affordable - though it can be confusing at times.
2. walk the streets - especially the streets that I had heard and read much about - 5th Avenue, Broadway, Park Avenue, Madison Avenue
3. Explore Central Park - I went there on 3 days and spent a couple of hours each day exploring different corners of the huge 850 acre Park - both on foot and on a rented bicycle, and ogled at the swank buildings & apartments over-looking Central Park.
4. New York is synonymous with Broadway - so see at least one play/musical on Broadway (I saw "Phantom of the Opera" - one of the longest running plays on Broadway).  Buy tickets on Times Square at a steep discount on the day of the show. 
5. visit the famous districts such as Greenwich village, Meat-Packing district, Washington Square, Sheridan square - all of which have a marvelous atmosphere, and are excellent for walking
6. spend a couple of evenings hopping across various jazz clubs/pubs near Sheridan square - and enjoying the different jazs jamming sessions which go on till late in the night
7. go on a very relaxing cruise to Staten Island using the free Public ferry service from Battery park - and in that process see the Statue of Liberty (from a distance), and the Manhattan skyline
8. explore certain "living" land-marks and do some "serious people watching " at places such as the Grand Central, Penn station & Times Square
9. Visit the 2 museums worth visiting : Museum of Modern Art and American Museum of Natural History  
10. take a walk on the High Line - the resurrected over-head rail line now converted into a mile long green park
11. explore the financial district on foot, and see the venerable buildings that have featured in many a movie about life on Wall Street
12. and - totally optionally - try to visit a night club to understand how the upper crust of New York (with money to burn) spend their evenings.

I also briefly saw (from the outside) - the Rockefeller tower, the Empire State Building, and the site of the WTC where the new "Freedom Towers" is almost ready.  I did not spend much time on these Buildings, and did not spend the small fortune required to enter the viewing galleries on those buildings.

And of course, if, like me, you have never ever experienced snow, then Central Park in New York is the best place to do so.

Alas, I am not much of a foodie - so I did not explore the many cafe's and restaurants that abound all over mid-town New York. For a foodie, New York is paradise - and I suspect I missed out on one of the most crucial aspects about New York because of my limited gastronomical interests.

US Visit

Am currently at Winton, US undergoing a training.  Winton is a small town about 50 miles outside New York. Very peaceful and relaxed town.

Encountered my first snow - or what was left of it the next morning;

And the temperature indicated below in not in Centigrade - but in Fahrenheit.

That is the equivalent of 5 degrees centigrade - and this was in the afternoon.

This is not just my 1st visit to the US - it is also my first exposure to the Nielsen BASES global team.

The interiors were pretty nifty too

 

And I could get a Vegetarian sandwich in the cafeteria downstairs!

The Rub-Off Effect

We go through phases in life when we grapple with what life is all about, and suddenly some incident takes place which throws a new perspective.

On some of my recent travels I was amazed by the sheer number of acts of hospitality, generosity and helpfulness from various people, some of who I did not even know well.... it was all done with little expectation of reciprocation, and totally spontaneously.

To the many whose munificence I enjoyed, and who may be reading this : I know I don't have to specifically name and thank you; in fact for you this might be just a routine daily act - so much so that you may not even realize how deeply you have touched me with your gesture....

I feel pretty humbled after this experience. I don't know why I deserved it. I don't know what qualities in them enable them to practice these noble acts.  And I wondered whether if I was in their shoes I would have been as generous, friendly and altruistic.

When we come across people with qualities we aspire to have some day, just latch on to the relationship, and refuse to let go. Hopefully those qualities will rub off on us.

Coaching vs Teaching : 12 Key Learnings

I just returned from a fantastic "Train the Trainer" program in Dubai, organised by the Nielsen Global Learning team. This was an eye-opener for me as I now realize that I was not following many of the principles of being a good Coach. Here is a bland sum-up of the key learnings - though to really understand this subject one needs to experience the full 1.5 days intensive course:

1. Coaching is all about asking the right questions.  By asking the correct questions, the coach helps the person who is seeking the solution (the Coachee) to discover the solutions by himself.  The Coachee in an office situation could be your subordinate, and in a home situation could be your son seeking a solution to a problem.
2. Coaching is not Teaching.  We are often tempted to jump in and solve problems for others under the guise of teaching. But this perpetuates dependency, and consequently a "just in time, urgent" culture which is not a good environment to practice coaching.
3. "Directing" or "telling" a person what to do is not necessarily bad - it is used in situations where there is no time or the coachee has poor competence.  However, minimise Directing to the extent possible as it is neither good for the manager (Coach) nor for the personal growth of the subordinate (Coachee). 
4. Coaching is all about the Coachee - and not about the coach.  Buy-in of the solution, and its implementation, is better if the solution is self-discovered by the coachee through the coach asking the right questions.
5. A coach figures out the level of competence of the person for that particular task, issue, challenge or question - and asks the suitable coaching questions (open-ended, suggestive, leading or directive) depending on the competence of the coachee for that particular task.
6. To be a good coach does not require one to be skilled at that task - it is all about having the right mind-set.  In fact in many cases, the best coaches are not the experts on the subject matter.
7. Coaching always operates in the environment of Trust.  Lose the trust (example by blaming the coachee for a mistake), and you lose respect and credibility as a coach
8. Coaching does not imply a hands-off, low involvement approach.  Coaching by its very nature implies very high involvement by the coach to help the coachee to self-discover the solution to the problem.
9. For pro-active coaching tying up the feedback to the Motivating Drivers of the coachee is critical - and the coach needs to ensure that he taps into the Coachee's Motivating Drivers (and not his own).  The Motivating Driver could be Achievement, Recognition, Affiliation, Power, or Safety.  Tapping into the right Motivating Driver is crucial for the feedback to be taken in the right spirit, and for the coachee to be motivated to either change his behaviour, or to continue (or even improve) his current excellent behaviour.
10. When starting the process of coaching, spend less time on "Investigative" (understanding the past) - and more time on "Insight" (understanding the future options), and "Empowerment" (arriving at the preferred option with a timeline).  Typically we all make the mistake of spending too much time on the Investigative part.
11. Coaching is a continuous process, and is best pro-actively done. Periodically re-visit the goal of coaching and keep its focus on aspects within one's control ("don't try to solve world hunger"). Coaching should be done not just for areas of improvement, but also in situations where there is a great performance (Typically we only give feedback when something needs to improve). 
12. To be a good coach requires lots of practice as we need to come out of the teaching mind-set. It requires the constant practice of skills such as Active Listening, understanding body language, and para-phrasing. It requires effort to move into unconscious competence where we do this naturally.

Thanks to Nielsen for living up to its reputation of being an Academy Company, and to the trainer Adam Pickford.    What I learnt will need to be practiced not just in office - but in life in general.